What are Friends With Benefits?

20 • 12 • 24

I have had multiple parties tell me this idea won't work, and perhaps they are right. But I will never know—and forever wonder—if I don’t try. So... hear me out. By now, you would have come across the insidious men's mental health epidemic. I’m not prepared to speak about it anymore as it’s easy to lament when really what we need are long-term solutions. Instead, I want to take us off this highway, down the side alley, over the rickety gates, and into the oldest park known to man.

This park—neglected and forgotten—has its own quiet beauty. A charm that doesn’t demand our attention yet holds within it all the secrets. When you look closely, it’s alive, still healthy, and bursting with potential. Overlooked and undervalued as it may be, silently it holds a solution for us men—waiting for us to take notice.

So, what do we find when we step off the highway of problems facing men and down this quiet alleyway? Quite simply: the solution… Friendship.

Men's Hierarchy of Priorities

Currently, the hierarchy on a man’s to-do list is simple:

1. Make money (career, work, investments, assets).

2. Have a partner/family (provide, protect, be safe, lead).

3. Be strong (physically, mentally, emotionally).

Anything beyond this is seen as a luxury—something we allow ourselves once the important boxes are ticked. Hence, for men, friendship often becomes a “nice-to-have,” not something worth investing energy or resources in.

But here’s the thing: when we overlook friendship, we miss out on the most valuable asset we could have. Here's why…

“Friendship Isn’t Just Connection—It’s Currency” - Moi

I have friends who share investment opportunities with me—not because they’re selling something, but because it works for them and they want me to profit just as much as they do.

I have a group of friends I meet with weekly to share what’s been challenging and lovely that week. That’s free therapy and coaching, plus accountability—because I don’t want to come back with the same problem week after week.

As I write this, I know at least five friends who will probably mention what I do to someone else. That’s free marketing to warm leads I would never have encountered while I was busy doing other things.

All my friends are active and healthy. We share workouts, swap podcasts, play sports, and go on active weekend trips. By default, I benefit—because by default, my friends prioritize looking after themselves and each other.

We also diarise regular meetings, which may initially make you feel uneasy as you remember those scheduled catch-ups with friends during COVID. But friendship, like anything valuable, can’t just be left to chance. This reminds me of the 7 P’s:

Proper Prior Planning Prevents Piss-Poor Performance

And, quite frankly, in my work as a coach, men’s prioritising of friendship can be rather piss-poor.

As a freelancer, I often trade coaching and event access for skills my friends offer: tax advice, carpentry jobs, tree surgery, and so on. Instead of paying out, we collaborate and contribute to each other’s lives. Cutting out the tax man and increasing respect for each other’s profession

Hence, I’m Healthier, Wealthier, and Happier because of this network—with the benefit of added security because I know, if s**t hits the fan, my insurance policy, in the form of friendship, will be there to step in, no questions asked… Unlike insurance!

When you look at all this, you don’t need to be a mathematician to see the return on investment….

…Friendship pays back

The Overlooked Asset

But here’s the kicker: because the benefits of friendship are often disguised, we tend to overlook it. We focus on what’s obvious and linear—money, career, family, strength—and miss the thing that could quietly and seamlessly hold everything together.

This brings me to my idea. Interestingly, those who doubt it are invariably speaking from the privileged position of having a full cup of friends with benefits. But those who are currently leaning in, know the pain points and want in.

An Invitation to Build

I am putting together a group coaching program. The focus? Friendship. The outcomes? Healthier, Wealthier, and Happier.

For three months, I and a group of six men will work closely toward each outcome while deepening our friendship with each other.

This is a pilot project—the first of its kind, as far as I can tell—so those who join will play a key role in shaping the program through regular feedback and collaboration with the benefit of it being low-cost.

Initially, the group will be local to the South Hams (Devon) so we can meet regularly, but eventually, it will expand outward.

We already know, deep down, what friendship is. This isn’t about teaching old dogs new tricks—it’s about learning how to show up for one another and leverage one of the most invaluable assets known to man.

If you’re still with me in this derelict park, thank you. Maybe you’re curious. Maybe something here has resonated or maybe you know someone whom this would speak to.

If you’ve ever wondered what it would mean to invest in friendship—not as a “nice-to-have” but as a cornerstone of your life—then let’s talk.

This isn’t just an idea. It’s an invitation.

If you’re local to South Hams, Devon, and ready to explore what “Healthier, Wealthier, and Happier” could look like in 2025, surrounded by a group of like-minded men, reach out. If this tickles you and you are afar, please tell me as this is just the beginning.

Reply to this email, share your thoughts, or tell me you’re in. Let’s see what we can build together.

January 15: Group Coaching Course Begins.

Other Events I’m Hosting:

• Thursday, January 2: Men’s Fire & Ice
  A sauna ice bath experience to shake off the stagnancy from overindulgence at New Year’s and Christmas and catapult you into 2025.

• Sunday, January 5: Men’s Friends Hike
  A free event for men to get out and connect with nature and each other. Reach out.